I’m just not fit for social interaction anymore. My party was awkward/lovely, I can’t speak even to my mom without feeling uncomfortable anymore.. I dunno man. Books are where it’s at. Only good place(s) left. I’m comfortable with Lover, tho. That’s a surprise. I’m good when I’m not myself.
Speaking of nothing related to this, I’m going to babysit Karlie for two weeks. Scary, man. A little kid that I barely know I have to watch and keep safe for 11? hours a day for two weeks(five days a week). I’m just guessing he still works the same hours. 7something to 6 something. Maybe later than that. Probably 8. Children scare me. They get hurt when you blink, they get sugared up by a slice of m&m candy, and they poop unexpectedly. I babysat once for him and I was happy when the nightmare was over. She was an angel, of course.. Just between her love for red juice over white carpets and chocolate ice cream over nice dresses… my brain was fried. That, and he had no Hayley-friendly food there so I was starving by the end of it.
I’m going back to bed.
Trying to find a job for obvious reasons. Also, I’m buying a television. Goodnight.
Because I feel annoying as crap when I talk about him. Just another girl with daddy issues. It’s the same story that’s been told a million times by a million other people. Yeah, sometimes I want to talk about it, but I won’t go to you about it. So when I want to take that memory out from behind the curtain to be sad at for whatever reason, I write it down. Rip it up. Move on. That’s life. It’s whatever. There’s the story.
I got there when the Burchfield clan was leaving.. So no awesome cousin bonding time. Although I did get the story on how Billy broke his arm. (Again) He was long boarding down a slope and reached a good 20-25mph and rammed with a scooter person. Oh, the skill that was involved. THE SKILL. Makes for a good college story you can tell your kids about later that they won’t listen to though. Go him. We stayed for a while. I got two birthday cards which were pretty cute. Now I’m home waiting on Lover to get here. He said he’s taking a shower and heading over. Can’t wait to seeeeee hiiiiim. Even though I’m in pain. Female problems. Gah. Second days are always the worst for me. Still get to see him. Score. Maybe I’ll show him my shit for drawings. c: I’mma change to PJ pants real quick and clean off the bed. I’mma make watching a movie cuddled up with me sound like a good idea to him. Let’s see.
Right as I was about to fall asleep, I thought of something. Someone I want to complain about. Disney is near and dear to my heart ‘cause reasons and when someone asks me what’s my favorite movie, I will reply. Most of the time I say Beauty and the Beast because well, I adore it. Sometimes Hercules, sometimes Pocahontas. I love so many. I went to a football game with my Liz and we saw a person there. A person asked me my favorite. I said Pocahontas, then I said Hercules, and even Tarzan. What do I get? “I am SO sorry!” with a face. My reaction to that is “The hell? For what? Does that mean something? Is that a sign of something I’m not aware of?” Then he follows with “I don’t like those movies at ALL.” Okay so I get it. Since I didn’t like the same Disney movies as you did you think my childhood was shit and you’re sorry I had to grow up in such a shitty home where those shitty movies were played all the shitty time ‘cause shit. Gotcha. Okay. Alright. Okie dokie. That’s fine. I’m not offended. You’re just not allowed to like things anymore. It’s a new rule. Butt face fart smelling donkey breath son of a
Okay in all seriousness I did take it like he thought my childhood was crap because I liked different movies than he did. Not offended, just like wut. I don’t pee in your soup.
Today I spent the day with my family. I’m going to do it again tomorrow. Some people came down from Ohio so why not. I ate corn and bread there and talked some. Listened mostly. They’re hilarious. My family is a group of gossipers. They also plan the murders of people sometimes. My cousin took my great grandma’s motor chair and went outside to race my uncle David. Urh. I’m pretty sure he’s my uncle. I can’t remember. My cousin won, of course. David’s chair can’t go that fast under the pressure. He’s a hefty guy. I helped clean up the ham, the cabbage rolls, all the good with my Aunt Jen, and we sat around for a while talking until the kids were tired and wanted to sleep. They ate SO many cookies. They kept sneaking them until they were just about gone and Justin got a hold of Karlie. Tomorrow Aunt Cyn, Bill, Billy, and Beth are coming so there’s gonna be another get together type deal. I’m tired. I’mma watch something and fall asleep. Just wish Lover was here. Blah
I follow so many school blogs now. I mean. People blogs, but they blog about school a lot. I don’t know. I like when I can read about their school experiences. I can barely relate anymore, but I like to read. Durgaheruda
I’m so close to being placed.. if only mom would hurry up with that verification paper. x____x SEPTEMBER 1ST, GUYS. You have no idea how much I need this. I’ve been feeling far too useless.
Even just being around so many people early in the morning made me sick to my stomach. People at bus stops and in early morning school aren’t people to me. They make me feel ill. I mean, not them themselves. It’s the idea of people meeting up for learning? I’m not close to making sense yet.. I know. When I went to see Lover at his bus stop, once I saw the other people I started feeling like I had to barf- The same feeling I got when I went to school myself. I was never without friends or anything. Maybe ‘cause I’m surrounded be unrelenting discomfort for multiple hours? If I knew exactly why I always feel like barfing every time school arrives, it’d be easier to find out something to control it/get rid of it.
Ohh, I tried. I went for a walk and Lover said I should wait with him at the bus stop till he left. Oh my jeez. There were like a dozen kids my age and I wanted to run away. It was so uncomfortable. Granted, it was more than likely all in my head.. BUT STILL. It made me nervous. I just wanted them all to go away. I’m so used to just me and him and perhaps a few others but NOT THAT MANY. It was nerve racking just kissing him. On top of that I was really jumpy already.. I really do have some social anxieties. Urh. I’m going to blame it on the fact that it’s early and I can’t clearly see them. That’s it. That’s why. And I haven’t been around an excess of my age group in a long time.. But I do admit. After seeing him, I feel much better. I feel like it’s okay to sleep and I’ll be okay. Life likes to confuse me. Oh, and after he left I decided to walk around the park once. So I did, but once I got back on the main road, cars kept whistling at me. I mean the people in the cars. What’s their deal? No me gusta.
Unsure if I really want to go jogging today. I mean, I’m up. I’m dressed for it. I dunno. Today just has this uneasy feeling about it. I’ll update on what I do. ‘Cause I barely write text posts on here anymore. Why not?
Today was wonderful besides the parts that weren’t. (Duh.) I didn’t get to sleep until very late in the day today because of tummy troubles and Lover came over to see what was the dealio. He ended up getting in bed with me and taking a 3 -4 hour nap cuddled up to me. :I I mean, I felt like I was gonna blow chunks but even in pain I realize that was super cute to do. When I woke up some odd hours later, I was super hungry. So I ate and felt better. :D We talked and danced around in his homework, and then well.. Beat each other up. I feel that I was the one who rose victorious.. but of course he feels differently. He’s putting a fan up in the guest room now. Full of awesome- he is. I love that boy. So much. I’m happy he exists. /corny.. <3
-I wrote this like an hour ago. I fell asleep afterward and dreamed I posted it with more writing… welp.